


Don't Look At This

by JRanger_Raven



Category: Ranger's Apprentice - John Flanagan
Genre: Bad Flashbacks, Don't say I didn't warn you, Headcanon, Hurt and comfort, I realize how unpromising these tags look, M/M, This pairing doesn't get enough love, Time not specified, bad pairing, but its not like that i swear, it gets enough hate though, somewhere between the fourth and fifth books, the fic that will send me to hell
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-18
Updated: 2015-11-18
Packaged: 2018-05-02 05:20:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,995
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5235704
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JRanger_Raven/pseuds/JRanger_Raven
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A lot has changed since Will returned from Skandia. His and Halt's relationship has developed into something much more than what it should be, but otherwise life is back to normal. The subject of Skandia almost never comes up. But there's still one thing that Halt doesn't know.. and, one night, old wounds are reopened.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Don't Look At This

A normal night for Halt and Will was drastically different from a normal night for anybody else. While a normal night for another mentor and apprentice might be dinner, the apprentice's last chores, maybe some reading, and then bed, Will and Halt's nights consisted of dinner, chores, and kissing in the night air, the only time when they dared. They never did anything during the daylight, because, in the dark, nobody could see them.

Will would cover Halt's eyes when he leaned his head to kiss him… like not even they could see something so vile. Don't look at this.

When Will kissed Halt out of nowhere one night, Halt kissed back just as hard. His apprentice's hands rested on his chest, so he could repel himself to the other side of the couch at any moment. Halt could push him away just as quickly, from where he set his hands. They were always in a position where either of them could back away with no effort, just in case either of them changed their minds. Just in case either of them decided to do the right thing. And, yet, in eighteen months, they'd never done that. Their kisses had just gotten longer. They'd just buried themselves deeper, in a grave that they didn't know they could ever climb out of…

Will just wanted to be closer. He was pretty much on top of Halt now, pushing his back against the arm of the couch. It was impossible, now, for him to effectively push away, but he had no intention of doing so. He loved the feeling of his mentor's arms pulling him in. He loved the feeling of slitting his eyes open and sometimes seeing Halt's dark, oceanic eyes in front of him. There was so much more, he realized, when he looked in his eyes. So much more to everything… the universe, himself, and especially Halt. He wanted to know it all. All he got when his eyes met Halt's was a tiny glimpse of everything, and the longer time he spent in his arms, the more he would know.

The feeling was too beautiful to remember any of the pain from before… Everything leading up to this point was worth it if he was in Halt's arms.

Even…

Halt put his hands on Will's hips and pulled their bodies closer. Halt didn't even know why he did it. It just sort of happened. He wanted to be closer, just like Will; it was just unusual for Halt, if not maybe a bit aggressive. But he barely noted this. Will did the opposite.

Because there was still something that Will hadn't told him.

And an acute bolt of lightning shot around Will's nerves. A hand ripped him out of his nirvana and showed him something he'd wanted to forget centuries ago.

He dug his blunt fingers into my hips, and jerked me closer. I squeezed my eyes shut, unable to even look that closely at him… It felt like he was sniffing my hair, though. Every bit of contact the man made with me was burning my skin.

"How about I give you a real introduction…" said the big Skandian, his voice scratching Will's ear like rough sandpaper, "into the life of a slave?"

Will launched himself off of Halt. Everything came to a screeching stop.

What did I do? Halt wondered, as he stared at his apprentice, who was shaking with terror on the other side of the couch. I just pulled him in… Was that too aggressive?

Will and Halt had never gone farther with each other than kissing. They're slept in the same bed before, but never in their eighteen months of dating (they hated that word, though) had they done dirty things with each other. It was mostly because of the age difference, but also because neither of them knew anything about sleeping with the same gender. It was an embarrassing reason, but an important one, and they both sort of assumed that fact had been acknowledged, and silently agreed never to discuss it. Neither Halt nor Will really felt the need to have sex with each other; they drew that boundary for now and didn't bring it up.

So maybe Will had thought they were going too far…?

Seeing Will in a state like this… felt like accidentally stepping on your pet's foot, and hearing them whimper in pain while you stood, unable to take it back, and wishing there was something you could do to help.

"Will…" he began. The first step was acknowledging it and letting his apprentice know that he was taking this very seriously.

"S-Sorry," Will whispered. He had one hand covering his eyes. Don't look at this, his face said. Don't look at me. "I don't know what happened…"

"Do tell."

He shook his head. He took a trembling sigh and threw those flashbacks out of his head. He was here. Halt was here. Everything… that…

No matter how much he screamed, it was useless. People there were probably used to it; so used to it that they stopped having pity for the slaves, and instead started wishing they would just break already. All Will's yelling did was add to the Skandian's enjoyment, so at one point his screams morphed into whimpers.

He wished Halt was here. Halt would save him from this… But his head told him: 'Nobody's going to save you right now.' The Skandian had Will's body forced to the wall, and if Will tried to move he'd just get it worse. He wasn't going anywhere. Not until the Skandian was done with him, and Will knew what it truly felt like to be a slave.

"I'm fine," Will muttered, even as tears were flowing down, from under his hands and down his cheeks.

"That's impossible." Halt moved closer, and then stopped. If the reason for Will jumping away was Halt getting closer, then why would he want him now?

Had Will finally decided to do the right thing?

"Will, you can tell me," Halt whispered, praying that wasn't it.

"It's not you, so don't worry," Will said; he was practically reading his mind. But Halt didn't care, honestly, if Will had changed his mind about them or if it was something else entirely. He was sick with worry either way.

The apprentice put his hand down, but looked away, so Halt still couldn't see him crying. "I wasn't afraid of you or anything. It's just…" He sniffed.

"Stop faking that it's no big deal," Halt told him. "Will, I won't make fun of you, or think you're being too overdramatic, if that's what you're afraid of."

"…"

"Will."

Halt's apprentice finally turned and faced him, reluctantly showing him how tear-streaked his face was, and how red and frozen with fear his eyes were. Halt knew he needed- he felt, in his bones the unquenchable need to hold Will close to him and exorcise all the pain.

"Remember when I was enslaved, in Skandia?" Will asked, his voice a mouse treading through a mine field. Halt didn't have to answer that- the question was purely rhetorical, and Halt didn't reply sarcastically like he usually would. "Well, I was working the paddles… like I said… It was cold, and I was frozen, and wanting to die… But something else happened, that I never told anyone except Evanlyn, when she was taking care of me in the mountains. She promised not to tell anyone unless I said it was okay, and so far she's kept her promise."

Will paused. He really, really didn't want to say out loud what had happened to him. Halt was starting to understand, too… but suddenly Will didn't feel like just inferring it was enough.

"Someone came outside to get me," Will said, "one night, when I was working the paddles, and brought me inside to a Skandian's room. I can't remember his name, but he was definitely not like Erak, or any of the Skandians we met. He…" Will swallowed, "he said he was going to give me a real introduction into the life of a slave."

Halt's eyes flared with rage. He tried not to stare into Will's, when he let his emotions run screaming inside. He didn't want Will to feel like he was angry at him… but Halt was almost blinding himself with the thought of what he'd described. Who… who would dare touch Will? He'd kill that Skandian. Halt never threatened with death unless it was absolutely necessary, or for a joke, but this time he really felt like killing the man responsible for this act. And the "man" had probably done this more than once; or there was more than one person. How…

"I should've told you before," Will said. "It's just something I'd rather not remember. And the way you pulled me, a minute ago, just kind of reminded me of the way he…" He gulped and stopped his sentence right there. "Not all Skandians are like that. Erak, and Svengal, and all of them… they're upheld by a warrior's code, and they have too much dignity to do that. It's just a select few. If I told too many people, it'd change everyone's perspective of Skandia, and I don't want that."

"Stop sugarcoating it…" Halt hissed. "You…" His fists were so tight his veins were almost bursting out of his skin. He couldn't stop thinking about it…

After the mystery Skandian was done with his slave, he stepped away and let Will drop to the floor. He crumpled like a tower with no bottom floor. "Welcome to Skandia," he muttered, pulling up his pants and paying no attention to Will, even when he spoke to him.

Halt… He wanted Halt here… Will pressed his arms to his body, hoping to curl up so tightly that he would disappear and go back to Araluen. With Halt. With everybody. But, with each second that passed, he found that all that was waiting for him was the frozen wasteland of a new home.

"Halt…" Will whispered. He scooted in closer to him. "I-"

Halt dissolved the rest of the space between them. He tried to be as gentle as possible, when he threw his arms around his apprentice, and reunited their lips together. Their kisses, now, were short but no shallower than they'd been before. Will was gripping tightly the fabric of Halt's shirt, oblivious to the tears spilling out of his eyes again.

"Tell me if I do anything like that again," Halt told him, gruffness in his voice, but it failed to mask the concern and stomach wrenching love he was showing physically. "Don't hesitate to do it."

"I-I won't," Will sobbed. "I…"

Halt stopped. He backed away, still holding Will's head in his hands, to look at him and wait for whatever was next. There were five seconds of complete silence… completely stillness, where the brakes screeched to a stop.

Then the dam broke.

Will's muscles contracted together and he fell together like a house of cards. Halt took him into his chest, holding his shaking apprentice for however long he needed. Will soaked the front of his shirt with tears, but Halt willingly let him do so. If it took a century to remove the pain from him, then that's how long Halt would stay there. Even an earthquake wouldn't convince him to pull away from Will now.

Yes, he would definitely get revenge on whoever did those things to Will. He'd do it without dissolving the treaty between Araluen and Skandia, or causing a huge uproar, which would be difficult, but that didn't discourage him. He didn't know how, but he knew when: not now. Now, Will needed him like he'd just returned from Skandia yesterday. He was almost as terrified and desperate as he had been seconds after he was ripped of his innocence.

And this time, Halt was there to hold him and make it better.


End file.
